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.soar. new year / 2007 [01 Jan 2007|12:29am] haven't got a care i stay awake late or early throughout the whole night staying up in bed every night looking at the ceiling my walls laughing at me mocking me talking to me whispering "we know things about you" replying to them "you only really know what you see" i lean in, they say "happy new year" walls don't talk thin walls lead to neighbors shouting drunkenly shooting matches with each other shooting matches filled with alcohol filled glass i'll be up for the next few hours working out this year. its been three years since this started three years is long enough three years is enough time to find it three years should be a good ending. three years is too long.

.8 sicks soar. [11 May 2006|02:13pm] going to arizona for the weekend. feel like writing in this journal for a bit. how are you?

.soar. [02 Mar 2006|12:51pm] the patterns change from what we once knew they're not red or gold more like a greyish blue and i'm letting go and we're starting new i just wont have hold of your hand it keeps me from turning back.

.5 sicks soar. [09 Jan 2006|11:02am] the saddest part of a broken heart isn't the ending as much as the start.

.11 sicks soar. my new years resolution (revised / reposted) [23 Dec 2005|06:11pm] [ music | the fan sitting in the corner of the room is making noise ] my resolutions once filled with lies. are turning cold now that im honest or at least more honest than i have been i can still imagine your burning eyes. ( i resolute )

.6 sicks soar. oh where. [01 Nov 2005|06:31pm] [ music | bob dylan - lay, lady, lay ] in four hours. i'll be on a plane for boston. & i don't know why i'm going & i don't know whats going on. but i have more bags than my arms can carry. & i feel like i'm forgetting something important. i think i lost my mind & its stuck in last week. goodbye.

.24 sicks soar. you're prolly in this entry [06 Sep 2005|07:44pm] [ music | coldplay ] ( i've got a fresh pack of smokes. )

.soar. [06 Sep 2005|11:29am] this is how i feel right now all i can hear is beep beep beep. and someone cut my power cord. so anything that is coming through is lost. can anyone hear me.

.soar. how so? [27 Aug 2005|12:53am] [ music | the rapture ] i am only updating this to say that boston worcester is where i should be right now there is a cat there that belongs to me. and a girl there that i love terribly. and another girl that belongs in my family. i had a wonderful trip and i miss you two very much. and i'm glad that i know what love is what love really is because i'll never be fooled again. except now my left hand hurts really bad when water touches it.

.17 sicks soar. [20 Jul 2005|11:20pm] [ music | the beatles - two of us ] this is my last entry. this is the end. these are my last two pictures. this is the end. if you want to be on my new account figure it out. i'm not going to tell you. mkthanksbye. ( the OC fair ) i love you all. but this has been too much about everyone else. i need a journal for me.

.2 sicks soar. two. [16 Jul 2005|02:42pm] [ music | bright eyes - road to joy ] am i still your yellow bird am i still your secret that you keep caged up i'll see sunlight some day but you'll have left me alone too long by then i dont want to climb anywhere anymore or travel to the snow i just want to see you and think that you still love me. do you?

.24 sicks soar. most likely [09 Jul 2005|10:18am] [ music | yo la tengo - autumn sweater ] this will be my last post until i leave for boston as of now and probably by thursday i am going to boston alone due to circumstances i could not forsee but in a way i knew this was going to happen in the same way erin and tony and kelly were taking their time hoping that things would turn out alright i hate waiting until the last minute to do things thats probably the only thing i learned not to do from my father because i got screwed over so many times but now its me getting screwed over now i may not even see kelly at all oh my head hurts and my money will be all gone after this week either A. i find someone to stay with for a night or B. i sleeep on the street and leave my baggage in a locker at the airport or bus station either way this will still be an amazing trip but i might as well have picked somewhere else to travel to like asia or asia minor. wherever the hell that is. at least erin wants to see me BTW: thank you for calling me Katie. you're wonderful

.2 sicks soar. [04 Jul 2005|11:11pm] i just realized that every one of my entries has been about kelly for like the past week okay, thats enough of that.

.2 sicks soar. by the first snow [04 Jul 2005|06:59pm] [ music | rilo kiley - somebody else's clothes ] i cant find anything to do all day but listen to sad music and think about all the money i've spent and will spend on a trip to boston when i dont have the money and i'm spending my life savings on it and the water is diamonds there's something you're hiding you wish you could just shout it out "just fucking love me i'm tired of leaving and waking up in somebody else's clothes" and if i'm broke i'm broke and if i'm broke i'm broke is it cliche to say i have a broken heart but i broke it myself. i need to get out and i need to stop reading your letters they're just reminding me that they're only words.

.5 sicks soar. [03 Jul 2005|11:19pm] by the way i've fallen in love with this woman or this woman kelly dont kill me please.

.soar. [03 Jul 2005|11:04pm] [ music | aqualung ] what would be the best way to put this. however long it was last night i had a conversation with a cat however long it was we talked i had a conversation about you the cat had green eyes with a grey coat and meowed sympathetically every time i mentioned your name there was one thing particularly that i kept talking to the cat about it was about your cat whiskers i asked my cat if he had known your cat and if he had heard that whiskers had passed away the cat meowed in response and licked my right hand i asked the cat in my odd cat language way if he could sleep near me the way that you sleep near your cat for the remainder of the night there was a grey tabby sleeping on my stomach rising as i exhaled falling as i inhaled

.6 sicks soar. long distance phone conversations with machines [30 Jun 2005|07:06pm] [ music | shania twain... dont ask ] i hope you smile about this because i smile about this too and our silence is filled with periods and dots and lines and hearts i hope you want to call me as bad as i want to call you because this wont last it cant because kelly eventually one of us will break and call the other but i know it wont be me i can put up a good fight but it hurts because i'm so used to calling you every day and it feels alright too because knowing that i'll see you in two weeks makes everything much better

.soar. [30 Jun 2005|01:20am] [ music | stones - gimmie shelter ] at the end of the room there was a long chalkboard i walked up and had something to write with and wrote out every name i could think of because i hadnt written anyone's name in such a long time i woke up heard nothing on the radio my pool was filled with all the names i had written in all shapes and sizes and the letters were floating around the letters i had written to everyone in the past six years at the top was your letter full of your writing it said 'all things must pass' the one bad part about writing you all those letters is that you never ever ever sent me one i wish i could have all my letters back so i could burn them like i burnt your picture two days ago

.1 sick soar. consider you gone [29 Jun 2005|07:43pm] [ music | ben folds - i think the songs called what i titled my entry ] carly came in to visit me at work today i must have laughed for ten minutes again i've been laughing too much i need to find a middle where i am a good amount of happy and a good amount of sad tomorrow i'm going to go buy more clothes for boston and maybe an i pod. and maybe some film because I AM NOT GOING TO SEE KELLY CASHMAN WITHOUT TAKING A MILLION PICUTRES!!! tonight i'm going to see a movie at the movies how quaint oh i should go get my books back soon maybe tomorrow

.5 sicks soar. [28 Jun 2005|11:55pm] everything in life is getting better all the throwing up! the crying well its all gone in two weeks i see kelly kelly will see me i bought clothes today i bought shoes and things kelly, you'll be off my 'donotcall' list asap your battle is just as tough as my battle fight fight fight!

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